"The Win Win Game" -

Your Personal Mediator for Conflict Resolution

<I-Feel Messages> <Good Listening Skills>

I-feel

An I-feel message is a safe way to say the three things you need to say to another person for proper communication. Use with Steps #2 and #3 of “The Win Win Game” or anytime you want to tell someone how you feel about something.

I feel ___________ (tell how you feel)

when you______________. (what did the person do to make you feel that way?)

I need or I wish or I want_____________. (what do you need to make things better).

Example:

I feel sad when you don’t ask me to play ball. I would like to be included in the game.

Or:

I feel neglected when you spend so much time with your friends. I need to be included in more of your activities.

Good Listening Skills

Listening is something we do all the time, but we seldom think about the importance of Good Listening Skills. When there is a problem, learning to listen without interrupting is the most important of these skills. Use these skills for Steps #2 and #3 of “The Win Win Game.”

Pay attention to the speaker. Look at him/her and nod your head to let them know that they have your attention.
Listen without interrupting until the speaker is finished.
Ask the person how they feel and what made them feel that way to help you understand why they were upset.
Sort out facts from rumor and gossip by asking questions. You may have to say, “Tell me what you know about it because you saw it, you heard it and you were there, not what someone told you.” Only work with the facts.
Be sure you both understand the problem before moving on to Step #4 of “The Win Win Game.”
Some people have trouble listening and may have to hold a “Talking Piece.” You can only talk when you are holding the talking piece, then pass it to the other person so they can talk. A talking piece can be a stuffed animal, ball, crystal, rock, etc. A “Talking Piece” is included with “The Win Win Game.”

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